New Year, same crappy

So in all honesty I am struggling. I don't know what my problem is. I am going to start going to the grief groups at Gilda's this week. My life is falling apart, I am sad and pissed all the time. I am picking fights with the wonderful man I have, I have no control, I am a slug. My gram is back in the hospital, we made it about 24 hours into 2009 before it started sucking just like last year. I am very worried I will lose her this year. I am so out of control. I am a slug. I bought a Dilbert Calendar for the Haworth control room and it is still sitting on my t.v. I don't know what to do, I miss my dad. I don't know what else to say. I have to replace a light switch and I haven't done it for weeks/months (I lost track) - not because I can't but because it makes me think of him. I guess I have been avoiding my sisters and Ruth because I just don't want to deal with anything that makes me think of him. I am a jerk, I am a mess, I just feel like I suck. I feel fat, I feel weak, I need to quit smoking, I feel like a crappy mom and on and on and on. I obviously have mental issues and I need to solve them. Hopefully you all will not think I belong in Pine Rest...but maybe I do......hmmmm

me

p.s. I am sorry Dave and all - I will send the damn calendar (maybeI will get it there by June). Hopefully you are all still there.