HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

It it Dad's 58th birthday today.

Also happy birthday to my youngest sister, hers was Monday.

New glasses

Charlie got his first pair of glasses today. He does look cute. It is amazing that his dad has not called him since September. I finally sent him a message on his myspace page and he responded to that. I just don't get it. How does a person just do that to their own son. Fortunately Charlie has Christopher.

Emi was certified with a learning disability...finally the testing proved what I have known. This way she can get the extra help. They also said she is anxious and sad...(gee, I wonder why)..they do think it is mostly circumstantial because of all the turmoil in our lives the last year. My sister Samantha crashed (maybe totaled) Dad's truck about a week and a half ago too. Fortunately she is fine. That is all for now.

New Year, same crappy

So in all honesty I am struggling. I don't know what my problem is. I am going to start going to the grief groups at Gilda's this week. My life is falling apart, I am sad and pissed all the time. I am picking fights with the wonderful man I have, I have no control, I am a slug. My gram is back in the hospital, we made it about 24 hours into 2009 before it started sucking just like last year. I am very worried I will lose her this year. I am so out of control. I am a slug. I bought a Dilbert Calendar for the Haworth control room and it is still sitting on my t.v. I don't know what to do, I miss my dad. I don't know what else to say. I have to replace a light switch and I haven't done it for weeks/months (I lost track) - not because I can't but because it makes me think of him. I guess I have been avoiding my sisters and Ruth because I just don't want to deal with anything that makes me think of him. I am a jerk, I am a mess, I just feel like I suck. I feel fat, I feel weak, I need to quit smoking, I feel like a crappy mom and on and on and on. I obviously have mental issues and I need to solve them. Hopefully you all will not think I belong in Pine Rest...but maybe I do......hmmmm

me

p.s. I am sorry Dave and all - I will send the damn calendar (maybeI will get it there by June). Hopefully you are all still there.