Well, my luck sucks

So Dad's feeling pretty good. He even mowed part of the lawn yesterday. He says he is bored out of his mind.

In other news, my grandma has lung cancer. We found out today. More than likely she has small cell, the most aggressive type. So now I have to figure out how to tell my daughter that not only is grandpa dying...now Nonny's going to die of cancer too. I would say this is a lot for the average person to deal with...Waaaay too much for a 7 year old. My Non is my second mother, I saw her every day and ate dinner with them every day. She was our daycare, nurse, etc. while my mom was at work.

We go camping this weekend with dad. That is all I can come up with, sorry I am brain numb.

Better than the average bear, so Happy Father's Day

yes, that is what dad's doctor said of this last two years.

I started writing this Friday but I just finished now so I apologize. Dad had his last appointment for Oncology yesterday. There is no further treatment for us to try so we will not see oncology anymore. It was a tearful goodbye for several reasons. When you hang out somewhere on a regular basis for two years you tend to get close to people. It may have seemed heartless when I excused myself to wait outside but I am not. I can hold it together as long as no one hugs me or cries, I figured less chance of that outside. All in all I was not shocked by the news or the scan reports. He is down to 181 pounds, was running a low grade fever (probably from the tumors) and the tumors have grown. The picture is of one of the several liver tumors he has (marked by the letter A and the line), this one has doubled since March and it is now 4.4 cm (about 1-3/4").

On the good side, Dad looked 100% better than he did on Tuesday. Hospice put him on a steroid that seems to cut the pain greatly. Maybe he is also a little relieved that he doesn't have to endure any more treatment. So we were told to enjoy what we have and make the best of it. Dad did ask how much time they thought he had and he was given a loose ballpark figure of 4-6 months. We were also told nobody can really know that because he has done so much better than the 12-18 months he was given at the beginning.

We just got back from his house (Sunday) and he was looking well and fairly "normal" (at least what his normal has become). So we will go camping in two weeks as we do every year.

On a different note, I was on the phone with my mom on Thursday when my Grandma called her on the other line. (This is the same gram that had her third knee replacement in April and almost died the Friday before Mother's Day from bleeding when an emergency stint was put it.) She was my babysitter all through school and has been my second mother my whole life so we are very close. Anyway she was just told she has "an unknown mass" in her left lung and was told to see the Pulmonary doctor July 25th. Now my mom and I didn't like the thought of waiting 6 weeks to find out what this "unknown mass" is. So my mom called and was told they would look at the films and if they were concerned they would call and get her in sooner. I just found out they called and they want her in this Tuesday - I would take that as they are concerned. I am concerned because she sucked 2nd hand smoke from my Pops for about 50 years and he died 11 years ago from small-cell lung cancer - 3 weeks after he was diagnosed.

So the universe continues to test my strength. I don't know what more to say right now.

Hospice

We met with Hospice last night, they will be taking over. He called them because he doesn't want to be in pain anymore and has finally realized that he doesn't need to be. Initially they will take on a managerial role and get his pain under control while he is home. He has lost a ton of weight, I would bet he has lost about 20-25 pounds since the last oncology appt in March. This is the part that sucks, watching him waste away. We will know a great deal more after Friday's appointment, we will get the results of his CT scan from Friday. We know that the Avastin (maintenance chemo) stopped working a few months ago and have agreed that the Tarceva doesn't seem to be making any kind of difference. So we shall see how far things have progressed and/or spread since the end of March.

I have to put out two requests:
I have heard some of you would like to help. There are things (mowing the lawn is a big one) that will need to be done that help would appreciated. So if anyone who could help, even if it is mowing the lawn once, please email me. I will be trying to get together some sort of schedule for things. One large thing my sisters discussed last night too is to ask people to pop in sometimes. We think it is important for Dad to still have some contact with "outside" people now that he will be pretty much confined to the house. So please keep him in your thoughts and maybe stop in if you have an hour or so. He isn't super chatty or anything, but we think it may lift his spirits. I think he is to the point that he is too tired to fight anymore. I cannot be angry or fault him for it, he has fought an exceptional fight for two years now. At this point I want him to stop hurting and be at peace. I am sorry if that sounds bad.

I can't and don't want to talk about it much more today but I wanted to update all of you. I have been preparing myself for this for two years and it still takes me a little time to wrap my mind around things when they take a turn. I am sure you can all understand. I will post Friday or Saturday sometime after the appt.

-me

Go Wings!

So dad is on disability. He isn't driving much anymore. He had his CT scan today and appointment next Friday at 11am. Ruth called me on Memorial Day with some distressing news but I have not seen the report so details are sketchy. From what she said it seems to have spread to his neck - the soft tissue and it is up in his cheek bones. He said he is very very tired and it is a relief to take a break from work. I do not have good feelings about next Friday.

My son is also having a tough time. His asthma has not bothered him in months and last night we were up most of the night. I hope it is just the thick, humid air that set him off. So we may be in the ER tonight.


So I don't have anything more to say other than what a stressful playoff series! It is tough to get up for work after triple overtime.

Steven Tyler, Aerosmith's lead singer, after admiring the Stanley Cup:
"This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us."

Have a good weekend and stay cool.