Prom 2008

Prom was a riot. 400 people dressed in various tacky outfits. I ended up making the tux from pieces we found all over town. I got out for about $15 for the suit. I found the ugly dress for $15. All in all it was so much fun. Chris was a huge hit. He had so many people come up to him because of his hair. One woman even wanted to take her picture with him because he looked exactly like her ex husband at their wedding. She wanted to show their kids what their dad looked like.

Anyway, I just thought I would share. Get out and enjoy the sunshine! I can't wait to go golfing! Chris is making me new clubs, it will be interesting. I told him I could use a stick and rock and do just as well.

Have a good day.

Perception

Thought of the blog:

"The satiated man and the hungry man do not see the same thing when they look upon a loaf of bread"

-Rumi

Insight

Again I will use this for my personal thoughts and give you a small window into my head. Let me first share my Zen calendar page from Tuesday:

"Are you afraid of this happiness?" - The Buddha

Have you ever thought about this yourself? After reading this today (I was a few pages behind on my calendar) I started thinking about this. I have been very freaked out lately about a certain person in my life. This person has a direct impact on me. Have you ever had something you have wanted for years and years then you finally get it? What do you do? I have spent 8 years wanting something so badly then by some act of fate (and yes I do believe in fate, karma, whatever) I got it. Now I am not sure how to flip that switch back the other way. I poured so much into the "getting" part I am having difficulty switching to the "you got it, now enjoy it fool" part. I have been deeply in love with my soul mate (call it cheesy, but I don't know how else to explain it). From the minute we met 9 years ago we have had a connection that is unreal, we have been best friends ever since, he was my coach when my daughter was born, etc. We dated for a short time but we were both immature so we broke it off. We both dated other people over the years but kept a close friendship and recently went out to celebrate or 8th anniversary of breaking up - it was a good laugh. All I ever wanted was for us, as adults now, to give it a mature, honest try because we both acknowledge this weird connection we have. So now we are back together and I am having difficulty functioning. It is wonderful and I am so happy but I am terrified to be close to someone. I have never "needed" anyone, in my mind it is a weakness to "need", I have been fiercely independent my whole life and it is hard to let him help me. He is a wonderful man, my children love him and he loves me deeply, in fact he is the only person outside my family I know without a doubt loves me unconditionally. So I have these moments I want to "run, forest, run" with no reason other than to prevent being close. Why?? I am a control freak. In my warped mind if I let someone in that gives them power over me, power to hurt me and I have kept a thick wall around myself my whole life to prevent that. So I guess in a way I am so used to being alone and stressed out and with my wall that I really am afraid of the happiness. It is all so stupid and I am glad he knows all of this about me and is patient about it.

All of this leads me to another quote form the Zen calendar:

"Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow" - Margaret Fuller

So I must take root in the happiness and grow with it.

Anyway, I just had to get that off my mind today. Have a good day.

Sunshine

Thought of the Blog...

"In the scenery of spring, nothing is better, nothing worse;
The flowering branches are of themselves, some short, some long.
-Zen saying

Get out and enjoy the sun! It may snow ten minute from now, it is spring in Michigan.