Small Update & Decapitations

Above is the latest almost entire family picture. This was taken christmas day, it took a while to get the copies. I'm sure you can imagine that it is difficult to get everyone's eyes open and smiling in the same picture. We always take several pictures with several cameras. This is the combination on two pictures. I had to decapitate a few people from one picture and splice on to another. In the future I think we will have to switch to a panoramic picture if the family grows much more. My sister Heidi was slightly disappointed with the results - she said I could have been nice and put her head on my niece's body. Sorry Heidi!

If you start at the top left: half-sister Jennifer holding her youngest son Joey, Stepmom Ruth, Dad, step-sister Teresa holding her son Jordan, half-sister Heidi, Teresa's hubby Lyle, Teresa's daughter Kenzie in the pink hat. Bottom row from left: Teresa's oldest Kelsey, half-sister Jodi with daugher Sophie, Jennifer's sons Robert & Jayden, My daughter Emi, me & my son Charlie, half-sister Samantha & her daughter Lexi. I think that's everyone, flog me & let me know if I missed someone or mis-spelled a name. (my brother Paul and his son Anthony not pictured)

Dad is doing pretty well. The nausea hit him Sunday and he said he was very sore on Monday. Tuesday he said he felt "exponentially better". He says he thinks it was the same after chemo pains he felt last time he had chemo. So as far as I know today, the trip is still on.

I just hope he takes it easy down there.

:)

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

I spoke to dad a while ago to see how he is feeling (if you remember last time he was doing chemo he would get sick about Sunday mid-day) and he said he is coping. He slept through his regular dosage of pain meds so he was sore and waiting for them to kick in when I talked to him. He said he's not vomiting, but is sick to his stomach...I just hope he remembers which color jello is ok to eat during chemo.... It's the GREEN jello DAD!!!

I was so happy to see the sun and feel the warm today - but then I remembered Dad was probably home puking...so I felt a touch guilty too. I hope you all got a chance to soak up your vitamin D today!

Thought of the Blog:

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

-Anthony J. D'Angelo (businessman)

:)

Trial info

Dad was chosen for only chemo so he will have chemo once every 3 weeks starting this Friday. He will have six "rounds" of the Taxotere chemo drug - so this will last 18 weeks. At this time, I think this was the best option he could have gotten because of his trip.

For those of you that do not know, if all goes well and he feels up to it, Dad will be leaving April 1st for his annual mission trip. This year he is going to Louisiana. He will again help Habitat for Humanity rebuild some of the damage of Hurricane Katrina. My sister Heidi will be going with him. They are flying rather than taking the bus with the rest of the people from the church. I am glad they decided to do that, I do not think 18 hours on a bus would have helped him at all. I hope he is being realistic about what he can handle. I know he looks forward to this trip every year so I am glad he is plaaning on it and I hope he feels up to going.

That is all I know at the moment, I will find out more soon.

Elephant guns and Opiates....

So this is Dad's new bone scan, I can't really post his CT scans because there are too many images.
Some condensed notes from the Dr. that read the scans:
-no new tumors - (wOOhOO)
-no change in existing lung tumors (there are 4 mentioned in his left side and 3 in his right)
-no further lymph node growth, lymph node involvement seems to be staying within his chest cavity and from all I read there is no node involvement below his lungs
-bones appear "relatively stable"
-the largest tumor in his liver may have grown

I hope to read the written report at some point and will add anything is different.

Dad has been taken off the Percocet and now on OxyContin. The Oncologist said that all those "perky pills" were not helping his liver. So now it is all Opiates. (if you remember, his patch is also an Opiate) The Oncologist said "we may need an elephant gun to take him down" if this doesnt work - so Dad told me I was in charge of finding an elephant gun. At least we can still laugh. He has lost 12.5 pouns in the last 6 weeks and his red blood cells are pretty low.

The plan:

It is still somewhat up in the air. We should know what is going to happen Monday or Tuesday with the trial. So far he qualifies for the trial, they are just waiting for the results from the liver function test. He has signed all the paperwork and is ready to start when they are ready.
A reminder of the way it works:
-a computer will randomly select whether he gets Altima or Taxotere - both Chemo drugs, just attack different parts of cancer sells. Chemo is every three weeks regardless of what type, he will get six treatments. The Altima doesn't take as long to IV as the Taxotere.
-a computer then randomly selects whether he gets the Centuximab (trial drug). If he is chosen for the Centuximab he will get that every week. This takes about 1.5 hours, then they have to observe him for an hour to make sure there is not immediate reaction to the drug.
-He will also have the standard "pre-treatment" drugs (bone hardener, nasuea med, etc.)

That is the best I can do right now, it is late and I am exhausted. I will post more next week after I find out the results on the trial and what he will be getting.
+

Today, this morning

So today is the big appointment. I am freaking out already. I just talked to Ruth (my stepmother) and I heard that Dad has been having some oral issues - something about his jaw bone was starting to come through his gums. I guess this is a "normal" side effect of chemo and radiation, but I guess his gum tissue is starting to regenerate so they will not do any surgery yet. I have no idea what kind of surgery fixes this problem...

Hopefully I will get a copy of the bone scan disk so I can look at it.

I will post info from the appointment later - how much later will depend on what we find out. Now would be a great time to kick up the prayers and positive energy for him.

TWO Thoughts of the Blog:

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
- Aristotle

Our thinking and our behaviour are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based.
-Deepak Chopra

Thought of the blog:

The fear really hits you. That's what you feel first. And then it's the anger and frustration. Part of the problem is how little we understand about the ultimate betrayal of the body when it rebels against itself.
-Charles Bronson

So, Tuesday night is Gilda's club night. I want to share about a girl that I think is incredible though I have never met her...

Her name is heather, she is just 21 years old. Her grandmother comes to the support group on Tuesdays. Doctors gave Heather a max of 2 months to live when she was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer when she was 20. It has been just a few days shy of 1 year now. I think EVERYONE can learn from her. She is endlessly positive, she is alive by sheer WILL! She is selfless, she has planned her own funeral, she has helped everyone around her deal with the situation and her coming death. Her body is shutting down and she is so thin and frail that she is now getting pressure sores just from her own weight just because she has no padding left. Yet this young girl lives life to the fullest. Since she was diagnosed, she has sky-dived, para-sailed, gone to hawaii and cliff dived. She planned a huge party last Friday because she did not want the next time for eveyone to get together to be at her funneral. She is undergoing extensive, painful testing to get into a experimental clinical trial - not because it will help her because it will not, it may in fact kill her. Why? Because she hopes it will help other people with her type of cancer in the future. It all sounds crazy, but really think about it. Despite the grave circumstances - SHE IS LIVING! She is willing to risk killing herself faster to help others. Most people get so caught up in the (let's be honest) trivial crap in life that they do not live...when was the last time you jumped in a mud puddle or danced in the aisle of a store because it was a good song???? She is an inspiration to everyone. I wish more people would live like there is no tomorrow because you really never know if it really is going to be.

It is so very easy to loose sight of things. Personally, I had gotten away from the small pleasures because I have been so busy and "stuffed" (refer to previous blog from today) full. I feel bad , I have been crabby with my kids more than usual, I have been crabby at work and crabby with my family. I stopped doing the little things with my kids because have been so pre-occupied with my issues and my "grown-up" problems. So I ask myself "what really matters?" And this is what I came up with...

-I have two beautiful, healthy children who love me (and think I am "not such a dork" today)
-I can pay my bills
-I have a roof over my head that I worked for
-I have a wonderful family
-I have time to spend with my father (unlike so many others who have loved ones taken without notice.)

So, Now is the time to count every blessing you have, no matter how small. It could be simple things like: "Wow, I didn't have to make my own coffee this morning" to "I have a family that loves me no matter how strange I am" to "ALRIGHT, I'M BREATHING TODAY. wOOhOO!". Whatever works for you to keep you going. It all works and I do it more and more the older I get. It is funny how the older I get, the things I am thankful for seem like usual everyday things. The older I get, the more I feel lucky. I really do try not to let little things get me down - such as when there are no parking spots close to an entrance and I have two kids and it's raining - I try to be thankful I have the ability to WALK to the entrance. (Although that really is a thing to be thankful for in my life, but you get the point) I know this sounds very Pollyanna, but it take it for the queen of pessimism, it does work!

so jump in a mud puddle - you will be surprise how fun it is!

and sorry again for the earlier venting session.

Nothing to tell...and a bitchy rant

Dad had his CT & bones scans yesterday, but we will know nothing until after the appointment Friday. He says he is tired alot and the scans were tiring. He is in pain also.

I will update Friday night or Saturday morning. (sooner if there is anything to tell)

I have heard a few stray comments about how I am not updating the blog regularly. The truth is there is nothing new to tell right now. I am sorry if some of you are irritated about my handling of this blog - I do it as a courtesy. I do my best, but please remember that this is my father. I try not to let too many of my emotions bleed into the updates, so at times I need to process and cope with the information in my own mind before I can update. If I just go typing willy-nilly, I may hurt someones feelings or my personal comments my get confused with the facts. I try very hard to relay the facts objectively even though I may throw in a few opinions of my own. I am sorry if I am not pleasing some of you and I'm sure I sound crabby about this. Call this my bitch rant if you want. My dad is dying and I'm not ok with it! - so forgive me if this blog is not always on the very top of my agenda. I am too young to lose my dad and my children are way too young to lose grandpa. I am trying very hard to hold it together at work and at home (both of which are extremely stressful) and to be strong for my 6 year old that is having a hard time with this. I have been stuffing a ton of emotions since this all started and I am on the edge of losing it - and maybe I need to. Ok, Im done now. That should keep my sane for a few more days. Thank you for listening, I will try not to lose it again on here. Just please try to be understanding.

Please keep up your support of Dennis, he still needs all the prayers he can get. In fact, If you all can crank it up a little it would be great.

WOOHOO! COOKIES!

I am a happy camper, I have my Girl Scout cookies! (just thought I'd share)

We went to visit Dad Sunday to deliver 512 RAM and get my cookies. He was moving slow again, it has been a while since I could really tell he wasn't feeling well. He said his back hurt badly and it actually woke him up in the middle of the night. They increased his patch dosage so hopefully that will help. He also started taking more pain pills. He is also done with Steroids and radiation now. So we wait.......again.....

He is still planning on going to Louisiana with my sister Heidi for his yearly spring break mission trip. I hope he will be able to go, I know he looks forward to it every year.

He gets both CT scan & bone scan on Monday and Oncologist on the 16th. We should know something then. I don't know what, I do not have good feelings for this appointment.

Think positive thoughts!! PLEASE!!

Thought of the Blog:

I know why familles were created, with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed. -Anias Nin