This blog...

I am feeling very small and weak because I only made it at work until 1 today. Cripes dad dragged himself to work for years and I can't even make it through a day. I came home and paged through the 29 months of blog postings. I have been printing them out and putting them in a binder. I cannot track any more of Dad's progress from where I am, so I don't see much point in maintaining it. I mentioned to a couple of people that I would stop this blog and I think I am not the only one who is reluctant to cut it cold turkey. It was suggested that maybe I should write how I am coping or to share my memories of him, but I did not create this for that reason. I will keep it up for a couple more weeks, maybe until Christmas. I will post some pictures or something, I don't know. I ask, beg, for anyone who has a fond, funny or other memory of Dennis or even just a story to PLEASE post it in the comments. Or you can use the email link and just email it to me directly. I would love to have memories of him to put with this blog so when my children look at it at least some of it will be good. I can only keep the things alive that I have. It would mean a lot to be able to show them what he meant to other people and how people will remember him.

Please continue to keep him alive in your memories. If anyone needs anything please let me know. I also would like to know how I would get a package to the "guys" in the paint cell at Haworth - as in an address ups will deliver to that will get to them in a timely manner.

Thank you all for your prayers and support through all of this.

Today

It's just not right that today we bury my father.

Now you have peace Dad. Thank you for the sunshine.

Today we bury his remains in the earth as a seed of immortality. Our hearts are full of sadness, yet at the same time of joyful hope and profound gratitude. -Joseph Ratzinger

Arrangements

Be faithful in the small things
because it is in them
that your strength lies.
-Mother Teresa

This will all be in both the Holland Sentinel and Grand Rapids Press tomorrow or you can click here to the memorial page

Visitation:
Saturday 6-8 pm
Sunday 2-4 pm & 7-9 pm

Lakeshore Memorial Services
11939 James St (corner of 120th & James)
Holland, MI 49424

Funeral:
Monday 1 pm
Ottawa Reformed Church
11390 Stanton
West Olive, MI

And now we say goodbye

A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.
-Thomas Mann

From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.
-Edvard Munch

If you do not already know, I am sorry to tell you here that Dad died today. It was sunny and he is finally at peace.

I love you Dad!

Final move?

Dad was moved to Hospice House in Holland last night. His pain was too much and he asked to go. I went to see him this morning and his foot has gotten worse. His left foot is a very shade of dark purple with some black now and it has moved up his left leg a little over halfway to his knee with blue and purple. His right foot is also turning, four of his toes are purple and black and about half his right foot is blue and purple. They increased his patch meds and his instant relief oxy. and they started him on Neurontin. This is not necc. a pain med, more of a nerve inhibitor. These things seems to be helping. They figure the nerves in his legs are dying creating some of the pain. He is very tired and he is unable to get out of bed. He cannot put any weight on his feet. I left at about 11 this morning.

I just talked to my aunt Yvonne, she went up about 530 today with my grandma. She said his spirits were better and the extra meds seem to be helping. This is the best we can hope for now -- that he is comfortable.

So please pray for his comfort and peace.

Not good

I got a call last night to let me know that Dad's left foot is changing color and he is in tremendous pain. I talked to one of my sisters this morning and his foot is almost black now because the clots have cut off the blood flow. The Hospice doctor is coming at 12:30 and I plan to be out there when he comes. I will post more after. I am sorry to have to share bad news but we all knew the bad news was coming.

Please keep your thoughts and prayers of peace with him during this time.

The Chair...

Haworth had a nice little retirement party for Dad today. There was a cake, several nice gifts and "the chair". I hear there have been a few confrontations surrounding this chair. Something about a "helpful" person throwing it in the dumpster, but then it was retrieved after Dad had a hissy about it. Some other things...I don't know. I find it hilarious because I am very protective of my office chair - maybe it is some freak genetic thing. If anyone has other stories about the chair I would love to hear them. He always joked he would take it with him when he retired...so he did.

It was nice of his co-workers to stop in. I could see the shock on a few faces of people who hadn't seen him in a while. If one of them was you, don't feel bad I just saw him last week and I was slightly shocked. I have heard about the swelling in his leg, but it was not that bad last week. Hopefully you all enjoyed seeing him, I think it was a good thing to talk to his friends again.

On a personal level, it was very sad for Emi. She lasted until about 5, then fell apart. She has coped very well the last couple years considering her young age. I think seeing him today (after last week) the reality of it all came crashing in on her. And not to be a huge downer, but people should retire because they are old, not because they are going to die. It started me thinking about all the things people should do after they retire and none of them included what he is doing. I heard him talking today and it was said he was given 4-6 months when we first met with Hospice and I realized we are on month 5 now. He is tired and he has fought a vailant fight.

So thank you to Haworth for doing that for him, thank you to everyone that came.

I will post as I know things or if I have some profound tidbit of stupidness I feel the need to share. Soon I must put my trolls to bed and deal with my own sadness...so goodnight for now.

me

p.s. thank you to Dave - It is always nice when someone thinks I am younger than I am.

Well...

So dad has taken a fairly drastic turn since last Tuesday. I got a call Monday morning after I posted and was told Hospice said he was getting near the end of his journey. He does not get out of bed much if at all. He is very weak and not eating much and his liver tumors have at least tripled, the doctor can feel the borders of his liver - this is certainly not normal. I also got a call this morning that Hospice came about midnight because he was having great difficulty breathing and they put him on oxygen. I spoke to his Hospice nurse this morning to confirm what "symptoms" they have noticed to point to his decline. His rather sudden worsening of weakness and that his pain increased recently and he seems to not be eating, things I pretty much knew. I have to be honest that this was a blow because he has been doing "ok" the last few times I have seen him. I am sorry it took me a day to post, I am still trying to wrap my mind around this. I had to tell my daughter that Grampa is not doing well too and try to prepare her the best I can. We sat on the floor and cried together last night, my heart breaks for her. Fortunately Charlie is too young to understand, but the little guy came in a hugged us both and told us he loved us because he knew we were sad.

So, I will update as I hear things. I hear the retirement party is still on and so Emi & I will be there unless things continue towards the toilet.

Happy Halloween!

Here is the annual Halloween picture. I made mine and Emi's this year. I bought Charlie's because he was bent on being Spiderman and I ran out of time to make one. By the way, the mad scientist is my honey.