Yes, that is a quote from the Oncologist! I was very worried going to the appointment today, but I was shocked in a good way. There is no new growth, no new tumors and in fact one tumor in dad's liver has gotten smaller. So we keep to the maintenance plan of Avastin & Zometa every three weeks and then I am guessing another CT scan in two months unless things change. So a great Christmas present for us.
On a side note, I just bought *the* coolest torpedo level I have ever seen!
Be safe and have a great new year!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Christmas sadness
It is Christmas time and I am sad. December has been crap, not just for me but for just about every one I have talked to. Chritmas is not what it was years ago. People do not have the "Christmas spirit" anymore, people are rude and selfish and materialistic and it has gotten out of control. So many people are out of work and broke I am sure they are stressed out because everything that has come to be "expected" at Christmas. I am so stressed out it is maddening. This present thing has just ballooned, I am about ready to give up for next year and just do nothing. In reality I can't do that because I have children. So, I will get over it and move on.
I also had a small arguement last night which I will not go into all details with because it is too many years of things building up. I will say that one of my sisters told me I "should try thinking of Dad." I do not know which one said it, but that was extremely hurtful. I stopped myself from saying back what I wanted to because it was not the time or the place for it. Unless you know some of the background, you will not understand why this was so hurtful.
So anyway, I was up until 2 am crying and thinking about my father. You people who are reading this will never understand the sadness and torment I have about my father and the things I will never get resolved. I wish I could share a lot more of my life on here, but it would not be appropriate at this time. Anyway, the one thing I kept thinking about last night is how much I matter to my dad. I am sure at some point everyone wonders if they matter, I just wonder more specifically at times. I have made some questionable choices in my life as all people have and I know he has been disappointed with some of them (although he would never say it). My two children have different fathers and I was not married to either one. This, of course has compelled some people to pass judgement on me and I have heard some pretty rude comments. I am responsible, I own a house, I go to work everyday and do my best and my children are happy, well behaved, well cared for and above all very loved by many people. I have said hurtful things to people out of anger and I have also passed judgements on people when I have no right to. I do not claim to be a saint, but I am a good person. I do what I can for other people and I try to be conciderate. The point of all this rambling is I will never truely know if my Dad is proud of me, proud of the kind of person I am, the kind of mother I am. You can all say "I'm sure he is" but it should be the kind of thing you tell your children without being prompted, without having to be asked. I will never know where I stand with my Dad, I mean truely where I stand and what he thinks and how he feels about me. It makes me sad, especially because time is short. I am not saying my Dad doesn't love me - he is just very introverted as you all know. He does not share his feelings. I am the kind of person that always hugs my kids and I cuddle with them, tell them I love them and praise them often. When I get harsh with my kids it is the first sign I am way too stressed out. I am much more extroverted and people always know where they stand with me - good or bad and I want the same from others. I really wish I could share much much more, but I cannot at this time out of respect. I probably should not have shared this much because this blog is for updating on Dad and not about me. But I guess I am sitting in the big chair and I ultimately I can type what I want. This also fits with what I am always nagging about - time is short, value what is truely improtant.
And so, again, I say hug your family and friends. Tell them you appreciate them.
If I do not update before his next appointment on the 28th, have a Merry Christmas!
I also had a small arguement last night which I will not go into all details with because it is too many years of things building up. I will say that one of my sisters told me I "should try thinking of Dad." I do not know which one said it, but that was extremely hurtful. I stopped myself from saying back what I wanted to because it was not the time or the place for it. Unless you know some of the background, you will not understand why this was so hurtful.
So anyway, I was up until 2 am crying and thinking about my father. You people who are reading this will never understand the sadness and torment I have about my father and the things I will never get resolved. I wish I could share a lot more of my life on here, but it would not be appropriate at this time. Anyway, the one thing I kept thinking about last night is how much I matter to my dad. I am sure at some point everyone wonders if they matter, I just wonder more specifically at times. I have made some questionable choices in my life as all people have and I know he has been disappointed with some of them (although he would never say it). My two children have different fathers and I was not married to either one. This, of course has compelled some people to pass judgement on me and I have heard some pretty rude comments. I am responsible, I own a house, I go to work everyday and do my best and my children are happy, well behaved, well cared for and above all very loved by many people. I have said hurtful things to people out of anger and I have also passed judgements on people when I have no right to. I do not claim to be a saint, but I am a good person. I do what I can for other people and I try to be conciderate. The point of all this rambling is I will never truely know if my Dad is proud of me, proud of the kind of person I am, the kind of mother I am. You can all say "I'm sure he is" but it should be the kind of thing you tell your children without being prompted, without having to be asked. I will never know where I stand with my Dad, I mean truely where I stand and what he thinks and how he feels about me. It makes me sad, especially because time is short. I am not saying my Dad doesn't love me - he is just very introverted as you all know. He does not share his feelings. I am the kind of person that always hugs my kids and I cuddle with them, tell them I love them and praise them often. When I get harsh with my kids it is the first sign I am way too stressed out. I am much more extroverted and people always know where they stand with me - good or bad and I want the same from others. I really wish I could share much much more, but I cannot at this time out of respect. I probably should not have shared this much because this blog is for updating on Dad and not about me. But I guess I am sitting in the big chair and I ultimately I can type what I want. This also fits with what I am always nagging about - time is short, value what is truely improtant.
And so, again, I say hug your family and friends. Tell them you appreciate them.
If I do not update before his next appointment on the 28th, have a Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 03, 2007
MIA again...
So sorry I have been MIA. Busy time of year.
We stopped in on the family on Thanksgiving, me & the kids eat at my mother's side every year and then stop in on Dad's side. He was crashed in a chair and looked beat when we got there. I was hoping to play cards with him, but he really looked strung out and exhausted. He is moving much slower and more deliberate lately. I know he is having a ton of pain in his lower torso and hip & knee joints. He also has a new mass under his belly button that is very worrisome - it could be a hernia or it could be a tumor. I am worried and I have pushed it to the back of my head because I am so busy and getting too wrapped up in life at the moment. I am really worried about him walking too, especially with the snow and ice now. He bought a cane and he made it very festive with tape stripes.
I talked to him for a few minutes last night and he said last week was not good. I have yet to hear from anyone who had a good week last week. My kids were barfing the weekend after Thanksgiving, then I was barfing and even called in sick a day (only happens 1-2 days a year), then my Grandma fell Wednesday night and hit her face on here van bumper on the way down (so sprained ankle and a nice area of missing skin on her nose), then my main sewer drain clogged and I had to bail water out of my basement with a bucket and pay over $100 to get it fixed. My delivery guy at work was out 2 days sick which mucks things up a little at work. Then my daughter's school couldn't get ahold of me when she needed me because I was in the x-ray room withmy mother. We finally got into the spinal specialist for her, it took 3 months to get in. So I felt like a crappy mom, thank goodness for my daycare lady who came to the rescue. Then Charlie vomited in her van when she picked up Emi, then he pooped on her bathroom floor while she was cleaning up Emi. I love her, she is a saint! So let me tell you I was glad last week was over. This week is starting much better!
I will try to share when I can, December is a very busy month for me (as it is with most people). If any of you are in the Jenison area Saturday, Dec 8th please come to the Jenison museum open house and say hi to me. It is from 1-4 pm, below is a link with the address and map. I will be working the front door as I do every year.
http://www.michmarkers.com/startup.asp?startpage=L0209.htm
So there is my fast ramble update, I am not even going to proof it.
Dad's next scan is on the 21st, Oncology appt on the 28th.
It looks like we need some prayers and good thoughts! Have happy holidays!
We stopped in on the family on Thanksgiving, me & the kids eat at my mother's side every year and then stop in on Dad's side. He was crashed in a chair and looked beat when we got there. I was hoping to play cards with him, but he really looked strung out and exhausted. He is moving much slower and more deliberate lately. I know he is having a ton of pain in his lower torso and hip & knee joints. He also has a new mass under his belly button that is very worrisome - it could be a hernia or it could be a tumor. I am worried and I have pushed it to the back of my head because I am so busy and getting too wrapped up in life at the moment. I am really worried about him walking too, especially with the snow and ice now. He bought a cane and he made it very festive with tape stripes.
I talked to him for a few minutes last night and he said last week was not good. I have yet to hear from anyone who had a good week last week. My kids were barfing the weekend after Thanksgiving, then I was barfing and even called in sick a day (only happens 1-2 days a year), then my Grandma fell Wednesday night and hit her face on here van bumper on the way down (so sprained ankle and a nice area of missing skin on her nose), then my main sewer drain clogged and I had to bail water out of my basement with a bucket and pay over $100 to get it fixed. My delivery guy at work was out 2 days sick which mucks things up a little at work. Then my daughter's school couldn't get ahold of me when she needed me because I was in the x-ray room withmy mother. We finally got into the spinal specialist for her, it took 3 months to get in. So I felt like a crappy mom, thank goodness for my daycare lady who came to the rescue. Then Charlie vomited in her van when she picked up Emi, then he pooped on her bathroom floor while she was cleaning up Emi. I love her, she is a saint! So let me tell you I was glad last week was over. This week is starting much better!
I will try to share when I can, December is a very busy month for me (as it is with most people). If any of you are in the Jenison area Saturday, Dec 8th please come to the Jenison museum open house and say hi to me. It is from 1-4 pm, below is a link with the address and map. I will be working the front door as I do every year.
http://www.michmarkers.com/startup.asp?startpage=L0209.htm
So there is my fast ramble update, I am not even going to proof it.
Dad's next scan is on the 21st, Oncology appt on the 28th.
It looks like we need some prayers and good thoughts! Have happy holidays!
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